…then we jump back, do it again (Ninja-go! Ninja-go!) -The Fold
“There is no such thing as balance, you have to make choices.”
I just said that to my neighbor and had a HUGE ah-ha moment. Y’all…its TRUE.
I have been deep inside my head and my emotions lately. I have been letting things fall through the cracks, my joy has been elsewhere, and I have been a bit of a mess. I tend to be very change resistant, and there is a lot of change going on for me. I am moving. I am moving back to Santa Cruz, where I originally found “my people”. Its only 33 miles but I am telling y’all, it feels epic.
My son is ending his elementary school years in 8 days. 8 mother trucking days. My baby, my Moo, will be a MIDDLE SCHOOLER!!! Now, he’s had the attitude for a while, so…let’s not imagine some kid who is angelic and innocent, okay? Hahaha.
My Toddlerface is potty training. She wears underpants. By choice. I’m not complaining about the decreased diaper laundry, but it sure feels strange. She is also nursing less and less. She is growing up. In front of my eyes.
I have been feeling this pull, to allow God (as I understand It) to work through me in my life, but I am terrified of letting go completely. Admitting that publicly is a strange one. I know my purpose, it is clear: help families, especially mothers and children. Help mothers be conscious, curious, compassionate, and contributing so that they might raise children who are the same. In that, we change the world. Not me. Us.
In all of this I see how in reality, there is no balance. Balance implies a little here and a little there, but that cannot be. I cannot keep hedging on our move, I have to commit full force, for my sanity and the security of my family. I cannot “balance” my passion for my family, and I don’t want to. I get so caught up in trying to balance…a little here, a little there…that nothing is getting done with my full attention.
That written, today I am saying goodbye to balance. I am committing to this season of my life that is so wabi sabi that I am probably both waving AND drowning.
What season of life are you in? Tell me about it, and what you’re doing to enjoy it fully!!!