There is no try, there is just do…right?

Today has been a strange day. I had nightmares last night (an active shooter at my child’s school and a snake about to bite me) and woke early this morning. I started the day tired, which is more the norm for me than I would like to admit.

I decided that I would make myself something AWESOME for breakfast because I deserve good food too, right? Yes, yes I do!

I took one sweet potato, five mushrooms, 1/4 of an onion, two eggs, a couple spoons full of fresh bacon grease, and the leftover enchilada sauce I had. I cooked the veggies first, then added the enchilada sauce and a few shakes of chipotle powder for a kick. Once the sweet potatoes were soft enough, I cracked the eggs on top and put on a lid. I ended up with something that was SO good I ate all of it. Not half like I originally intended. The. Whole. Thing.

 (Update: I’m trying to post pictures again, hopefully it works) For some reason I can’t post pictures of it right now, which is a great time to invite you to head over and check out my Instagram (@inthemomcave) where you can find pictures of my food, my kids, and my dog.

After baseball, we spent some time hanging at home…it is Saturday after all. Today is a brisk but beautiful day in Northern California, sun is shining, all that jazz. Our kitchen has a great window, and I love staring out of it while I day dream. I mean…wash the dishes. As I was standing there, something caught my eye: a basketball.

My stomach sank, my heart got heavy, and I felt choked up. Never again will I hear the Moody Teen outside sinking threes like Curry. Never again will I see the Dancer pirouette through my kitchen. All because I couldn’t buy in to the lie.

I know the saying, “There is no try, there is just do”…I know it well. Yet here I sit, trying hard to figure out why. Feeling the weight of their absence in my life. I can should myself in to oblivion, it will do nothing for the situation. The truth is that I stand behind the statements I made, regardless of the fact that they were private conversations. I wish I had a chance to explain to the boys, to tell them the truth. Who knows if it would change their minds but it sure would help my heart.

There is no try here…*sigh*.

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