I know that I am not alone.
I am not the only one who has mediated her umpteenth fight today. I am not the only one who has navigated the world with an over tired toddler in tow. I am not the only one who is sitting in front of the computer after too many hours of constant touching/pulling/nagging/bickering/loving/hugging/cooking/cleaning/etc.
I do know that tonight, I have hit the point of emotional exhaustion.
Have you ever loved a child that you didn’t birth OR adopt? A bonus child, a step-child, someone who has become a part of your family in some way? Parenting is really, really hard work y’all. Parenting a child that isn’t yours…is another beast altogether. Parenting a combination of children who are yours and children who are not? Tonight, lead to exhaustion.
I wear many hats, and one of them is nanny. I am a nanny, but for the families I’ve worked with for the last 12 years my job has entailed much more than what one might think a nanny does. I am second mother to these children. They are raised alongside my own children. I consider them bonus kids and would do anything for them.
When your own child pushes you to the point of no return, for most of us, there is no option. You cannot “quit” your kids. Don’t even get me started on the people who abandon their children…there is a special place in hell for them in my personal opinion. I joke with all of my kids that I want to sell them on eBay, but we all know that is illegal. When a child who is not yours pushes you to the point of no return…or worse, pushes your birth child to the point of no return…how do you recover?
In my heart of hearts, I could never walk away from my bonus kids. I have a hard time going on vacation without them. There are times though, when I start to question my own commitment…and whether it means I need to be committed.
Tonight, I sit here feeling a level of exhaustion that I can’t even seem to articulate. The endless days of pre-teen have worn me down. My teenage bonus kid who is sinking further and further in to the abyss of high school has left me feeling old and inept. My preschooler has started testing boundaries with me and with his mom. My toddler, who is mostly agreeable, has decided recently that sleep is for some one who isn’t her. I. Am.
Tired. Weary. Exhausted.
*I wrote this several weeks ago, and felt the need to publish it “as is” instead of edit it or let it go.